You can probably spot Schwartz's by a crowd congregating outside. We stayed outside for about 20 minutes which was not that bad compared to what we read online about the queues here.
Being at the same location since 1928, the restaurant uses the worn out look to its advantage with the main wall covered in egotistic food shots and articles.
We were sat on a communal table with an American family savoring their meals and frankly disicussing the merits of local meats between themselves - rather entertaining for us. It is quite messy and chaotic inside.
The menu is not a piece of paper on the table, but instead backlights on the two walls. Our waiter did not allow us to order turkey, asking who is ordering this item and looking at Ma Cherie. Supposedly it is not what they are famous for, not what we should order. Talk about feedom of rights.. As we took a bit more time to make up our mind, we had a difficult time to call the waiter who seemed to be avoiding us. We really didn't seem to be a priority here. Mind you, when we were not looking for a waiter they gathered leaning on the side looking at us and talking with hand gestures to each other, reminding us of the Italian mafia.
After ordering, we decided to ask what sides are good, as our waiter clearly through he was an authority to be consulted. He plainly stated that they were all popular, and then looking away. Someone was definitely not happy to be here (or perhaps he got a kick out of belittling tourists).
Perhaps it was all the crazy hype surrounding the place and lack of care from our waiter that made our dishes feel unimpressive. It was all served on basic rye bread with the cheapest yellow mustard available. Some meat layers were fatty and hard to chew, while other were very dry. Only later on when speaking to our B&B host we realized that we had a choice of the type of meat, another luxury we were denied by our arrogant waiter - an older gentleman from who we expected more maturity. Either way our Smoked Meat dishes were not easy to eat with pieces bread surrounding a pile of sliced meats. As for a side, we got a Half Sour, which were essentially two not-too-salty pickles with a hint of home marinade, a good addition to compliment the meats but nothing out of the ordinary.
Turns out leaving your cash on the table is not the protocol here. Instead, it has be given to a booth next to the exit. We got a shout in French and were rather rudly pointed at the checkout when walking out. This might be more efficient way to handle payments, but we felt a sense of distrust here. Did they really think we are here to steal? The looks we were given...
It is understandable that some restaurants become short tempered with constant hoards of tourists, but this is no way to keep your reputation.
We also got cold cuts from their smoked meat takeout selection. Don't bother, Eastern European cured meats are superior. If you must have their Smoked Meats, grab them for take-out and enjoy them elsewhere. This place just made them all taste sour.